We became verbally abusive to each other, and I dropped the 'D' Bomb in EVERY fight. Despite this, I still noticed myself at times being blatantly disrespectful, both at home and in public.
This attitude didn't change until a few years ago when a good friend pointed out to me, in a very lovingly blunt way, that if I divorced my husband, in God's eyes, I would be committing adultery with any future husbands. I felt miserable every time because I was continuously failing in my convictions.
I felt really bad, like I had let him down, but I wasn't really sure how. He called from the car just minutes after leaving and told me I was to be in our room, pants off, when he came home. The pit of my stomach dropped when he said, "you know your doctor said not to walk anywhere without your boot-cast on your leg unless you were on crutches, you could have broken that fractured bone". I have fractured that same bone .) I quickly put my boot-cast on and busied myself in tidying up the house, and then I took a shower.
I was trying to calm down because at this point I knew there wasn't going to be any playfulness involved.
One like I have never experienced before, and had never even seen before in any of my friend's or family's relationships (even the ones who had been together for 25 years). He came home early to find the kids watching TV, and no sign of me.
When he finally stepped outside he spotted me out on the back 40 and gave me a look that could pierce the heart.
Plus I have a very strong belief in the mother's basic animalistic right to protect her young in all that could harm them, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Then, I watched my marriage change slowly, day by day, into an amazingly deep and fulfilling love.
Then I told him, "I think that this lifestyle may work for us", and at that time gave him "blanket consent". I was very passive about it, knowing that he had been burned by my younger, less-wise self.
I decided not to say anymore to him about the matter and for the next few weeks I demonstrated a very submissive spirit.
After a few days, I went back home, but that taught my husband that he was never to do that to me again. You can imagine his surprise when I showed him the aforementioned site I was reading.
I allowed him to think about what we had read for several days without discussion (meaning I didn't ask him his thoughts right away).