I still believe this, but I also believe in empathy, and for recognizing each other’s humanity.Here is one story from a commenter on the above posts: From John G: From my own experiences, I believe it’s widespread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings. My son was being tutored on what to say to me (did you ever hear a 7-year-old respond ‘I’m not comfortable talking about that’ when asked a question?They expect the man to be totally interested, committed, involved with his child’s life – and yet – they make it impossible for that involvement to happen.How can you remain interested and involved when you are given no information about the child’s everyday life, when even the most basic contact is made difficult or impossible, when you are limited to four days a month contact time if you are lucky?She went on to try and explain why she underperformed: ‘They gave me a wetsuit.
These stories resonate with me, as they have challenged my earlier, blind admonishments that every parent has a moral obligation to fight for their children, no matter what.During my lengthy divorce, my ex-wife claimed I was abusive, that she was ‘afraid for her safety,’ and tried to get ‘supervised visitation.’ None of it worked, because it wasn’t true, and because, as an educated professional I had enough money to spend six figures on an attorney. ) and being instructed to call me by my first name and not ‘dad.’ I grew tired of making phone calls that weren’t answered, or of being put on hold and the child not coming to the phone, and of cancelled visits.It was heartbreaking seeing the child slip away from me, little by little. There is the assumption that the man will just sit there and take the abuse because he does not want to lose the child.I shouldn’t be surprised if more and more men eschew marriage and traditional family values over the next century.Personally, I refuse to be blackmailed by my better instincts.